The Super Rock Quiz: Goathorn!
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Goat Horn is everything Metallica was when Kill ‘Em All was released. Better yet, they’re everything Metallica wasn’t when Kill ‘Em All was released. Either way, they smoke like Anvil, kill like Motorhead, and play heavy fuckin’ metal like no one else. I caught up with them when they rolled through my hometown as the opening act for Thor. Yeah, that’s right. Apparently the 80's never went away.

Participants:
Jason Decay – Bass/Vocals
Brandon Wars – Guitar
Steel Rider – Drums

Interrogator: Jeff "Canadian Warhammer" Warren

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When was the last time you cut your hair?

Jason: Couple of days ago.
Brandon: Jason cuts our hair.
Steel: Mine’s not long enough to cut yet.

Answer: Not sure what it is with Canadian bands, but they all seem to cut each other’s hair. Jason also cuts Cheerleader 666’s hair. He calls his little enterprise Skull Cutz. I added the ‘z’ for dexterity. Jason scores round one.


Have you ever made love to a keg?

Steel: No, but I finished a couple though.
Brandon: I’ve made love to what’s inside.

Answer: Brandon looks like Ron Jeremy, mustache and all, only much skinnier and with more hair, so I’ll give this one to him.


Present company excluded, who’s the best Canadian band?

Brandon: Anvil and Cheerleader 666.
Steel: Anvil
Jason: Voivod.
Brandon: Yeah, with the Blackie line-up.
Jason: Sacrifice, Thor – during his Only the Strong era, Exciter, Lizzy Borden.

Answer: Canada rocks. They all win.

 (Left: Lips, Anvil, '83 Right: Voivod, '84)


I’ve never been to the Bovine Sex Club. Does it involve cows or sex in any way?

Brandon: Yes, both.
Jason: No. Neither, man.

Answer: I sensed some nervous tension with this question. They couldn’t seem to get their stories straight. So Steel gets the nod for keeping his mouth shut on this one.

Labatt’s Blue or Molson Canadian?

Brandon: Canadian.
Steel: Both.
Jason: Neither. I like dollar beers.
Steel: Pabsts or anything that is free.

Answer: We’re in London, hometown of the Labatt’s brewery, so the least they could have done was show some respect. No one gets this one.


What is the best use for a vinyl record?

Jason: Smashing it. No, sorry. Smelling it. But if it sucks, then smashing it.
Brandon: Making a coaster out of it.

Answer: Smelling it? If Jason had said chewing it I would have been most impressed, but whatever, smelling it sounds good.
(Note: What the fuck are these kids talking about? - Sleaze)

Describe a Goat Horn groupie.

Jason: Always young. And they talk too much.
Brandon: Power lovers.
Steel: Young and stupid.
Jason: They don’t shut the fuck up but they keep us in business.

Answer: Power lovers sounds like a great band name. But fellas…there’s always a way you can shut them up, especially if they’re young and stupid. They’ve got their mouth open for a reason.

(Left: Actual Goathorn gig. Right: Not. )

What do you hope Thor will teach you on this tour?

Steel: Only the strong survive.
Brandon: How to hold a war hammer.
Steel: I want to learn to take a war hammer to the chest.

Answer: Steel’s got it. We all want to learn how to take a war hammer to the chest.

What’s the most rotten thing you’ve ever done?

Jason: Fuck…
Steel: Keeping the neighbors up until seven in the morning by breaking beer bottles and throwing tires.
Jason: I once started playing with some shredded vegetables in the sink. It turns out it was actually Brandon’s puke, which I was also standing in.
Steel: That’s pretty rotten.

Answer: Wrong. The answer we were looking for, of course, was Rotten Roll.

Describe the eternal quest for eternal happiness.

Jason: It’s a metaphor for an endless supply of beer. You never want to run out of happiness. Or beer.
Steel: Or metal.

Answer: You gonna argue with Jason on this one?

Finally, do you always make journalists pay to get into your show?

Jason: Was I supposed to put you on the guest list?
Steel: Yes. We also make them buy us beer.
Brandon: Is that really one of your questions?

Answer: Sleazegrinder doesn’t pay me jack for this gig, so I look for breaks when I can. Handing over $5 damn near broke the bank. I demand respect, dammit! Ah hell, the show was so good it was all worth it.

Score: Goat Horn stormed the Super Rock Quiz gates and snagged a 72%. I’m sure they’ll drink to that!
 
- Jeff

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