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Make The Boys Cry: An Interview with Paula Monarch of Les Hell on Heels By Paul Gaita _____________________________________________________________________________________ |
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| Roaring out of the Phoeniz, AZ wastelands like the Man-Eaters in Herschell Gordon Lewis’ She-Devils on Wheels, thee dangerous mamas in Les Hell on Heels are second to no man when it comes to delivering red-hot garage-punk dipped in girl-group harmonies and gang-deb attitude. Comprised of Paula Monarch (guitar/vocals) and Chela LaRue (bass/vocals) of the late and much lamented Peeps, Katie Rose (guitar vocals) from the Tempe Tramps and recent addition Jessica Roe on drums (replacing Kristin Machynski, who’s having a baby), the band has just released its self-titled debut on Bomp with a little juju from producer Jack Endino and rock n roll werewolf Jeff Dahl (who co-penned one track). As for the future, the Heels have nothing than complete world domination and the subjugation of all males for their own unholy purposes in mind, so I figured it would be best to get on the good side of frontwoman Paula before they throw me in a corral with “Property of LHOL” branded on my forehead. It never hurts to plan ahead. |
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Paul Gaita:
I just sold a pint of
blood and I’m off to the record store to buy one album. Tell me why I
should put down my hard-earned cash on the Les Hell on Heels CD. Paula Monarch: Cuz you wanna be one of the cool kids, don't ya? Duh! PG: Exactly — stupid me. Explain something to me – are heels really that hellish? Cause Lux Interior really seems to like wearing them, and I wonder if I’m missing out. PM: Only when they are really high and you are
really drunk...and your fishnets are strangling one of your toes...other
than that, it's cool. |
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PG:
Tell us about working with the Leather Frankenstein himself, Jeff Dahl. PM: Jeff Dahl is to Les Hell on Heels what Joseph Jackson was to the Jackson Five. He's really mean and makes us dance around in purple velvet bellbottoms, flopping our arms around in some kinda synchronized manner…usually Katie runs out of the room crying and Chela says she's quitting (for the billionth time). Then we do it again the next day. Practice makes perfect, he tells us, practice makes perfect. We LOVE him!!! He's Jeff Dahl. He's really fuckin' cool, and he's one of our mentors! He laughs at Chela's jokes too. PG: What substances, prayers, fetishes, etc. should I indulge in before seeing a Les Hell on Heels show? PM: Fast on nothing but Schlitz for 2 ½ days naked, get lots of sleep, bathe in case you get lucky, practice picking up on us in the mirror…oh, and prepare to get eatin' alive! PG: Funny – that’s how I get ready for work every day. |
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When you’re on the road, what CDs
are in constant rotation in the LHOH-Mobile? PM: The Dwarves, the 5,6,7,8's, The Makers, the Shangri-La's, Bikini Kill and the Stones. Then the Lunachicks! “Superstrong” gets me ready to ROCK! PG: Give us the demographic breakdown of LHOH fans. PM: All over the map, baby.
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PG:
Any freaks? PM: Uh, does sending a picture of your fat self without a shirt and holding an acoustic guitar label you as a freak? If yes, then the answer is...well, yes! PG: Oh, good, you got my photo! Moving on to a completely unrelated question, if you could stalk anyone, who would it be? PM: Probably Chela. I know where she works and lives. That would be easy. I would dress as a shrub and follow her around. She would show up at my house for practice and have the feeling a bush is following her, but then think, “Nah, that's crazy.” Then she would realize there is a bush following her. THEN she would notice that the bush and me are never seen together--hmmm… Then I'd move on to Katie Rose. PG: I think it’s sweet that you would stalk each other—that’s real sisterhood. What’s more important to a band – great songs or great outfits? PM: If I can't find the perfect go-go boots, there is absolutely NO reason to be seen on stage. None.
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If Katie Rose can't get her
hair big enough, we cancel shows. There is no excuse to look like shit.
Songs, schmongs…no one is even paying attention when you look like a
fashion disaster. PG: Who are your fashion icons? PM: Nancy Sinatra and Leather Tuscadero. |
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PG:
You’ve got a song on the new CD called “My Kind of Trouble.” What is your
kind of trouble? PM: Bad boys (not the movie). PG: Thank God. Tell me your preferred method of settling an argument – street fight or roller derby. PM: Street fight. We would put on our LHOH jackets and strut down the street to face our rivals. Katie would pull a switchblade out of her hair, I'd pull one out of my go-go boot, and Chela would give a look that kills. Then Jess would jump out from a dumpster and do Kung Fu. Fuck roller skates, unless I'm skating to “Jessi's Girl.” We'll leave that to the bad-ass LA & TX girlz! We are Rock n Rollers, not Roller Skaters... |
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PG: Movie remakes are
bullshit, but if each of you could star in the remake of your choice, what
would it be and which role would you play?
PM: I would be in Sixteen Candles and play Long Duck Dong. Chela would probably wanna be Prince in Purple Rain. Katie Rose would wanna be Ace Ventura: Pet Detective and Jess would probably be too cool to do any of that shit and roll her eyes at us. |
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PM: Hang out with us. We are one of the only RnR thangs in this shitty
town. Besides Jeff Dahl and Sonic Thrills, of course! PG: That was gonna be my first choice… What’s the
most evil thing you’ve ever done to anyone who’s deserved it? PM: Chela and I were in the Peeps
and somebody
from a local zine wrote that they wanted to bend us over a chair and butt
rape us. |
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We bought tuna fish, opened it, let it sit for two days, then put it in a box, wrapped it in coffee grounds and bubble stuff, and shipped it to the deserving douche bag w/ issues. PG: Right on. Tell us when you’ve snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. PM: Right now! We are answering interview questions from you, hotstuff! Wink, wink... |
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PG: Hmm…you might have your victory and defeat reversed if you’re talking to me, but I’ll take a “wink wink” anytime. Who plays each of you in the Les Hell on Heels movie, and what’s the poster tag line? PM: Well, if there was no concept of time, I'd hafta say Julie Newmar would play Chela. Ann Margaret would play me, Barbara Steele would play Katie Rose, and Jess is so cool that she'd play herself. The poster tag line would be, "Eat Yer Heart Out!" PG: Gawd damn…I’m first in line for that movie. So to wrap up, what’s next on for Les Hell on Heels. PM: Well, after a national tour and making boys cry...EUROPE, JAPAN, then a video. I want us to walk down the street all tough and have someone on the side throw our guitars at us while walking and singing. |
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Then we smash our guitars and cute RnR boys pull up in a cool car and take us away....then a horror movie! I don't care if we die in the first scene, someone put us in a horror movie, for the love of god! Let me die a happy woman! Oh, and I promised Katie Rose we would be on lunch boxes. PG: Well, hang around here – there’s enough creeps lurking on this site who’d be happy to put you in their next horror movie. One more thing: how can people send you e-mails, baked goods, darkest desires, etc? PM: www.bomp.com. Thanks! That was fun! Love your questions! And we (heart) you too, Paula. Just please don’t
hurt us. ______________________________________________________________________________________ |
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