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Drunk and Naked in New Orleans: |
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 As Sleazegrinder so
aptly notes, the music on
Morning 40 Federation’s self-titled debut CD sounds like booze— not about
booze, but like the stuff itself, joyous and destructive, orgiastic and
crippling, warming and deadly, and all at the same time.Founded in New Orleans under less-than-sober circumstances, the Federation’s berserk performances— which are marked by a completely blitzed band, naked audience members, and a dirty cheerleading team (with their own kissing booth)— have earned them a reputation as the band you want to hear when you’re going down for the last time. In short, they’re a Sleazegrinder.com band to their black and rotten core. Frontman Josh Cohen took time out of his busy drinking schedule to set me straight on getting bed sores the easy way, the true firepower of a tuba, and just how stupid I really am, and for that (especially the latter), we’re appreciative. |
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Paul: So I’ve renounced the evils of liquor, women, and the demon of drugs, and given myself over the Lord. And as payment for my contrition, I’m allowed to buy one CD. Tell me why it should be yours--and could I be making a terrible mistake in doing so? Josh: As a sober person, you will experience feelings of superiority when you listen to our CD. Now that you are an Evangelical Christian, you will rest assured that your place in Heaven is secured when comparing yourself to a band of daytime drinkers with hygiene problems. The name “Morning 40 Federation” sounds kinda like an alcoholic version of the Justice League of America. If you were super heroes, what would you fight for? Grocery carts full of ice and 40s will be
distributed at no charge in front of corner stores worldwide. |
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Bed sores, bruise easily. Frequent Diarrhea. Halitosis. Loose stools. Excessive urination. Should I go on? Nope, got it. One of the songs on your CD is titled “Bottom Shelf Blues.” What are they, precisely, and what is the cure? The bottom shelf blues is a condition where the sufferer is delusional and has a self-defeatist attitude in his feelings toward his own drinking habits. Knowing deep down he will drink all his life, he endlessly makes remarks to his friends about quitting. What is the cure? There is no cure. How should I prepare myself spiritually to see your live show? Stop thinking. Start drinking. Funny—that’s exactly what my therapist told me on how to deal with depression. I understand that nudity is a staple of your shows. How did this come about, and how can we impress more bands to make it part of theirs? I wish I could answer that. We didn't ask anyone to get naked. They just did. Give us a demographic breakdown of Morning 40 fans. The type of people who see beauty in urban
decay. |
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So, mostly Pentacostals. Which fan has made the most inappropriate statement or request to you, and did you honor it? That guy in Chicago who bought me too many shots of Maker's Mark after the show. If someone wanted to stalk you, how could you make it easier for them? Go outdoors for a change. What is the last criminal act you were not punished for? Public intoxication. You're from New Orleans, which most of the country views as Las Vegas East. Is the town as great as it looks on the Girls Gone Wild videos, or is that all special effects? |
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Boobs can’t be improved upon, even with special effects. Though some have tried… here’s a hypothetical: Sleazegrinder has given me two grand to blow as foolishly and destructively as possible in your town. How would you advise I go about accomplishing this (note: renting an apartment is not an option)? 8 ball- $175 Jaques Imo's Restaurant- $125 Bottle of V.E.P. Green Chartreuse-$105 Night of drinking at bars in French Quarter-$90 Rub and Tug at Bangkok Spa-$75 Rehab-$1430 Would you punch out anyone from outside New Orleans that pronounced it as “N’awlins?” The way I hear it, the locals actually say it more like N'wahlins. Tourists usually don't need to say a thing, it's easy to spot them. Just look for Cafe DuMonde bags and wide asses. That’s how we spot em out in L.A., too. Can a tuba be used as a weapon of mass destruction? If it’s out of tune enough. When was the last time you snatched defeat from the jaws of victory? This question is just too stupid to answer. Correct! When they get around to making the Morning 40 Federation biopic, who do you hope to play you? What will the title be, and more importantly, the poster tag line? I guess I would have John Malkovich play me, and it would be called something like Where Am I? Tag line would be, “Where the hell did those last few years go?” How can people reach you with letters, e-mails, offers of their first born, and/or used underwear? Morning 40 Federation -FIN-_____________________________________________________________________________________ -Paul Gaita |
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If I drank a 40-ounce every morning, what
could I expect to happen in, say, a year’s time?