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$20 a Song: A conversation with Roxanne |
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"She’s only 18/Well, that makes me feel
19.” – War Babies
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So, Mr Raywood, the photographer
dude, says you’re more of a…actually, I forget the name of the store,
but it’s decidedly UN-rock. Anyway, he says you shop there. I don’t
believe him, tho. But I’m gonna ask you some rock-related questions, just
in case…
First off, when it comes to rock, I don't know shit about it. I could probably answer some questions on punk rock, thanks to a ex-boyfriend from hell, but we all know "punk rockers" are just a bunch of whining babies who weren't good enough to play rock music. Oh, you totally pass with that answer. On to the model questions. It says here “an escort will accompany me on all my assignments”. Who’s your escort, and more importantly, who do you think is tougher, him or me? My escort is my photographer and manager, David Raywood. Sometimes I bring a representative from my agency though, her name is Kelly. And I think she might be tougher then you! Just kidding. I saw a bitchin’ pic of Kelly swigging JD, and I think she might be, depending on how much of that snake poison is in her belly. Um, that’s actually my only model question, but I do want to know some other stuff. |
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Like, have you ever literally
stopped traffic? I might have, but it could've been a red light. Although I have seen a few guys pull it in reverse, but they are wasting their breath when they try hollering. I'm not interested. |
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Your last prank phone call…who was
it to? Was it funny or mean?
Prank phone calls. The last one I remember was from middle school. We called my mom's friend to tell her she was going to be evicted. Of course she knew it was us calling, but it was still funny. Where did you grow up, by the way? Someplace cool? Weird? My hometown is New Jersey. I went from Iselin, to Edison, to Iselin again, to South Brunswick, to Hamilton, to North Brunswick, to Trenton, to Hamilton, to Trenton, and now I live in Morrisville, Pennsylvania, because I know that everything in NJ sucks, and it is the armpit of America. I could tell you something about every one of those towns. Iselin is a bunch of crackheads, and the cops smoke pot with potheads on street corners. Edison has awful water, and no good looking person originates from there. South Brunswick consists of a bunch of "wiggers" and produces more hoes then is even imaginable. You may even be familiar with the phrase “The South Brunswick Hoes"* . Hamilton is drug central. They have 3 high schools. A rich one, a poor one, and a middle class one. The rich kids use drugs like cocaine because they can afford it, the other two high schools just have a bunch of potheads. None of the kids doing drugs get drug tested, because they are preppy and popular, so the teachers don’t think they are using. |
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Instead, they would test the blue hair
freaks, who always came up clean, because in Hamilton, the punks, goths,
and hardcore kids think it’s cool to be “Straight Edge". Trenton didn’t
last long for me because I had a gun pulled on me by my roommate’s friend
after only living there for a month. Although I have to say, PA isn’t much
better. I think I'm still close to New Jersey. I can smell it from here. __________________________________________________________________________________________________ |
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Bi, or just Beer-bi? I'm 85% lesbian. What’s the other 15%? The other 15% is a guy I will love for the rest of my life. And don’t blame me for getting mushy, you asked! Yikes! Minus 10 points. Love is for suckers.
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Ass-kicking
superchick, for sure. I'd had my fair share of fights. As a matter of fact
I got into a fight recently with a whore... I mean, stripper. Okay so she pulled my hair, and I pushed her, and
she pulled my hair again, and I punched her in the face, and I just kept
punching her and kicking her, and she just kept pulling my hair. I would
love to know why a girl would start a fight if they are only capable of
hair pulling. Anyway, this whole fight started because I did 54 couch
dances and she only did 12. I will never understand strippers, and I would
recommend nobody tries to. |
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Wait a minute, what’s a couch
dance?
A couch dance is basically having a girl’s titties in your face, while she grinds her sex against yours. Jesus. How much do they cost? Are they worth it? Is it hard to get a couch dance, like, do you have to deserve it? It's 20 dollars a song, and I only recommend you get one from me, other wise it would just be a waste of time and money. I make it worth it! Couches dances aren't hard to get! They ARE hard to forget! Wow. So, where do you go to get a couch dance? Someplace with couches, I'm guessing. |
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In any state you go to, there are
strip clubs. Yes, they have couches. Mine has leather couches! Jersey
doesn’t have a lot of couch dances, cuz they are mostly Go-Go, but there
are a few.
Playhouse in Burlington** is one of them. Every club is
different.
When’s the last time you punched somebody? Last month. |
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What’s the closest you’ve ever come
to being a daredevil? Any stunts? I thought I was invincible when I was little. I was a bit of a tomboy, but now I'm just a brat. Last year I was in a really bad car accident. My car barrel rolled down the street 3 times. All the windows smashed. The passenger side door replaced the console, and the roof dented down. I stepped out of the car and started yelling at the cop who hit me. You'd never know I was in that accident, although I was told I was lucky to live, let alone without a scratch on me. Who knows? Maybe I can make it as a stunt double. If you had your own TV show, what guests would you have on for the first episode? And they have to be good, or it might get cancelled. Everyone in the Baldwin family. There is nothing funnier then a family of bad actors. I can’t understand how everyone in that family is rich and famous, and not one of them has an ounce of talent. I think it’s really funny to watch people try to do things they have no talent for... especially when they think they are actually good! |
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Finally, at the end of the day, what do you think is more important - talent, or tight pants? I would have to say fitting into tight pants is the most important to me, and for most people that would take talent, or a miracle. -Fin- *I have no idea what she’s talking about. And if I did, I would not admit it. **Note to
Paul: Dude, we are totally going to Burlington for ‘research’
soon. Don’t tell the wives. More of David Raywood’s bitchin’ photos. _______________________________________________________________________________________ |
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| -Sleazegrinder | |
| Pix courtesy David Raywood | |
Actually, Roxanne’s 19, but “makes me feel 20” doesn’t have the same ring
to it. But you get the idea, right? She’s young, blonde, beautiful, and if yr lucky,
she might dance for you wearing nothing but a smirk and some kick-ass
Go-Go boots. 