Hanoi Rocks- Twelve Shots on the Rocks (Liquor and Poker)
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Lemme settle any arguments by saying that Finland’s finest sons Hanoi Rocks were the greatest glam rock band ever. Although never all that prolific (their 2nd record was an odds n’ sods comp, their 4th record was a live set, as was their 6th, and they never made it to lucky number 7), the band still managed to pen hit after classic hit of hard, glammy, authentic raunch and roll that borrowed liberally from the Stones and Aerosmith, but never sounded like anybody expect for their own druggy, razor-cheekboned selves, and ‘83’s “Back to Mystery City” remains one of the all-time greatest rock records. They never rose beyond the status of hipster cult band in the states, but for their entire early 80’s run, they maintained rock god status in the rest of the world. When they broke up in ’85, on the cusp of a commercial US breakthrough (thanks, Vince, ya bloated, hooker punching freak), they left such a huge gap in rock n roll that it took Guns N’ fuckin’ Roses to fill it. And much like Guns, they weren’t just a band, they were a fully functioning 5 man army, with two very glamorous generals- platinum blonde lipstick killer Mike Monroe and his gunslinging main man Andy McCoy - and a crack team of backline men in guitarist Nasty Suicide, bassist Sam Yaffa, and the tatterdemalion Ringo hisself, Razzle on drums. And that’s just the way it WAS, man. As such, it’s still kinda hard to think of “Twelve Shots” as an actual Hanoi Rocks album, cuz really, it’s a Mike Monroe solo rekkid that just happens to have Andy on board, as well. A full-blown reunion is, of course, impossible, since Razzle’s still dead, but I’m sure they coulda dredged Sam and Nasty out from whatever record store clerk anonymity they’ve been suffering through all these wasted years, if they really wanted.

But this album is so fucking good, I’m not even gonna argue semantics.

Monroe’s solo output has always leaned heavily in the direction of ham-fisted pop metal, and Andy McCoy’s solo work was in the collapsed vein of other boozy, pirate shirt wearing troubadours like Nikki Sudden and Tyla, and neither one ever captured the fuck-on-the-floor dirty rock n roll energy of Hanoi. To be honest, I didn’t expect ‘em to be able to pull it off at this stage in the game either, but goddamn it if “Twelve Shots” doesn’t sound like the album they shoulda-coulda made back in 1984. Not that it even sounds particularly retro, mind you- classic is classic, ya know – but it really does sound like the kinda wildly optimistic, hook-heavy, slutty rock n’ roll celebration that Hanoi used to ruled the world with.

“Through the sadness, I’m still shining bright as ever” Mike sings over a glorious, chiming McCoy riff in opener “Obscured”, and it’s like every bit o’ nastiness from here to there- from car crashes and tragic losses to ugly musical trends and bombs bursting in air- are just gone, vanquished. There is no over-estimating how much Hanoi Rocks at full power can seem like more of a bright, flashing spiritual embrace than a mere skinny rock band, and believe, me, they’re at full throttle here. “We’re the best kept secret in rock n’ roll” Mike howls, and brother, truer words were never spoken. Dunno if the kids-these-days are with it enough to jump on Hanoi’s crazy train in these apocalyptic times, but baby, I sure the hell am, so fuck the kids. For further shots of adrenaline, dig the ‘NYC’s-alright-with-me cock n’ roll anthem “New York City”, the harmonica and slide-guitar driven cowboy shoot-out “Gypsy Boots”, the strutting declaration of independence “People Like Me” (“Radio and MTV, you need people like me!”), and the blues-y powerpop singalong “Lucky”. That’s just off the top of my head, tho. Really, all 16 tracks- even the syrupy ballads- are such a rush of rock glory that a track-by-track analysis is needless. Sure, most of the songs either cop riffs and rhythms directly from old Hanoi songs or sideways from old Alice Cooper ones, and Mike still can’t sing all that well, but it all hangs together perfectly, and I dunno the last time it felt so good just to soak in a rock n’ roll record from end to end. Sure, I’m biased, but that doesn't mean I’m wrong. I just can’t think of any better way to usher in a new year than with some old friends and some stellar new tunes. “Twelve Shots on the Rocks” (the US version has 16 tracks, by the way), is simply a tremendous record. Long live rock n’ roll.

One thing, tho- where’s Izzy?
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