Valis is a post-arena grunge superband featuring Screaming Trees riff merchant Van Conner, his literal bro Patrick, and his metaphorical bros Sean Hollister, Adrian Mackins, and Wes Weresch. They all had before-bands too, but let us just soak in the sheer indulgent electricity of Valis for now. Opener “Welcome to Home School” is SO forcefully RAWK that I almost got out of the stereo’s way as it poured out of the protesting speakers, fearing that it might knock me right the fuck over. Right from the first thump, Valis establish a we-came-to-kill vibe, punctuated by Van’s stun-gun acid metal guitar and his Ozzy-esque vocals, and on “Welcome to Home School” they are in full-bore cock star mode, just fucking ROCKING OUT, like they’re dancing around a raging bonfire of old-skull Sub Pop vinyl, firmly resolved to build a whole new world of arena-wrecking Northwest power-rock on the ashes. Actually, they’d probably choke to death on the fumes, but you know what I mean. Elsewhere, the settle into a snaky, Monster Magnet-y kinda groove, like on the mega-druggy (imagine that) title track, and the space rockin’, Sabbathistic “Voyager”. Oh, and then there’s the crunching, balls-out throttle rock of “Motorbike”, which IS, make no mistake about it, “Rockin’ Is My Business”, only with Dio keyboards and an even more corrosive guitar sound then the Four Horsemen versh. I dunno, how many different ways can you say “This record is a total and complete motherfucker?” I’m sure there’s plenty, but that’s my message, Fred. Buy this and then go conquer a nation or something. It’s pure rock n’ roll thunder. Motherfucking rock n’ roll thunder, even.

Oh yeah, and for some related retro-rawk kicks, check out 80’s Boston power-trio, the Slaves, whose sole album, "Welcome to the Meat Machine” (1988, Legacy), was like one “Welcome to Home School” after another. They recently got back together, too. Rock n' roll's a blast, ain't it?