United Enemies - Love Kills
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Ex-Nasty Idols frontman Andy Pierce’s sugarsleaze all-scars United Enemies return with another brain-melting clutch of high-octane cock-rockers, and brother, I could not be happier. Now, UE are far from a prolific gang of Swede sleazedealers, as these 4 tracks make a grand total of 7 in about 3 years, but they make everyone of ‘em count. Ya see, United Enemies are quite possibly the GREATEST COCK N’ ROLL BAND on this puny planet, and if they had it in ‘em to start releasing scorchers like these in batches of say, a dozen at a time, then they’d probably be the biggest band, like, ever.

Their formula is so deceptively simple that it kinda belies the brilliance of this band- big, meaty hooks, a Zodiac Mindwarp snarl, Johnny Thunders solos, dive-bombing Dead Boys riffs, Gary Glitter handclaps, and an unhealthy dose of swivel-hipped swagger pretty much covers it. But it’s the sheer confidence of UE’s delivery, the arrogance and bravodo they display song after devastating song, that really makes this band. They sell the stuff like snake oil supercharmers, and more importantly, they actually BELIEVE that the snake oil works. Which means that it does, of course. Perception is everything in rock and roll.

Anyway, there’s 4 tracks on this demo (I’m guessing it’s for sale, and if it’s not, BEG them for it), and everyone of ‘em blazes like the noonday sun. “Love Kills” cops either a Clash or Kiss riff- hard to tell which- but they glam-slam it into a thundertrain or pure, crystal-sheen sleaze. One thing you gotta know about United Enemies is that the words are kinda incidental to the rock action- Andy just likes to say COOL THINGS, with all the conviction of a condemned man copping a plea, so ya have a tendency to agree with him, whether they make any sense or not. As such, maybe “She was more than a friend/I think you know what I mean/She was too fast for love/I shoulda stayed clean” ain't bulletproof poetry or nothin’, but it’s the perfect kinda lippy nonsense to fuel the raucous energy of the song. “Love kills, and I don’t wanna die!” Umm, yeah. Me neither, man.

Song Named After a Punk Band #1, “The Misfits”, follows. It’s not about Danzig and his ghoul-a-go-go boys, tho, it’s about how United Enemies out-rock everybody else in town. The riff? Hanoi by way of the Backyard Babies. The hooks? The whole fuckin’ thing is one giant, razor-sharp hook. Bonus? Andy rolls his R’s just like Johnny Rotten when he says “I don’t need no alibi, I don’t need no rrrrrrrreason why!” Bitchin’.

Song Named After a Punk Band #2: “Dead Boy”. It’s only about Stiv so much as EVERY United Enemies song is about Stiv and Cheetah, at least in spirit, but if you hear a little “High Tension Wire” or “Third Generation Nation” in there, well, you certainly shouldn’t be surprised. Oh, and it’s got some glammy handclaps in there too, which means yer supposed to sing and clap along- “I’m a dead boy, honey, yes I am!” C’mon, it’s easy and FUN.

Closer “Down” is pure Crue-style flash metal, if Crue were actually Gunfire Dance, and if none of ‘em ever got fat and lazy. It’s evil, predatory sleaze n’ roll, sexy and kinda scary, just like it’s supposed to be.

Now, it might sound like United Enemies do a lot of “borrowing”, and there’s no way around that, really. But let’s face it, all the really good riffs have already been written. United Enemies are just clever enuff to pick out the best ones and repackage them in tight black leather and shiny chrome and make you THINK they practically invented everything cool about rock n’ roll all by themselves. And for the duration of these 4 tracks, you might actually believe it. All I know is, I haven’t been this excited about a cock rock band since Crystal Pistol, and I was PLENTY excited about those fuckers. If you only listen to me once in awhile, let this be one of those times. United Enemies is your new favorite band. Guaranteed.
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