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GOATHORN |
 I could spend this entire review just
pointing stuff out, like how Goathorn’s 8 armed drummer Steel
Rider has trademarked the term “Snake skin snake skins”, or how
Threatening Force’s intro, “Drum Roll”, is the sound of a drum
actually rolling down the hallway, or how instead of a ‘thanks list’, the
fellas are working on a “choke” list, which currently includes dudes with
“shaggy bowl type haircuts”. But even though the ‘Horn are pretty
funny, especially for devil worshippers, this review is not about Hesher
comedy bits. No, it’s about heavy fucking metal, and good lord, do our
three young Canadian rivet heads deliver on that shit with this ferocious
new EP. Goathorn’s sound is old-skull, spine-cracking thrash metal,
heavily influenced by the ancient, horse galloping metallurgy of Judas
Priest and Anvil, laced with booming, glooming, Sabbath-y
doom rock and the Satanic speed-punk of Venom, and all of it spat
out with manic, teenage rampage enthusiasm. It is the sound of the dopers
in the woods on the edge of town conducting midnight séances, of misspent
youth gone wild, of whole villages set ablaze in post-apocalyptic
motorcycle nightmares. It should go without saying that “Threatening
Force” rocks, but if you want details, “Fate Strikes” and “The
Last Force” are both over-the-top acid-power metal crunchers from
2003’s Storming the Gates” album, and of the three new songs, the
title track is Metallica and Iron Maiden smashing each other’s faces to
bits with tire irons, “Right Heavy Metal” sounds like Thin Lizzy
bashing out a latter-day Exciter tune, and “Rise Into the Night” is
the heaviest, thrashiest 80’s flash metal tribute ever recorded. As
always, Goathorn are True Metal warriors ‘til the end, so you will not
find a whiff of pussy rock within 666 miles of “Threatening Force”. You
will, however, probably scare your neighbors into calling the cops if you
play this one loud enough, so make sure the bodies are buried deep before
they get there.
Listen to Goathorn on
Sleazegrinder radio! |
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-Sleazegrinder |