Lofreq- If this is the Best Ya Got…We Want Our Souls Back

Someday, 40 years from now maybe, way after World War IV and V and whatever else kind of nastiness awaits us, they are gonna sift through the wreckage, and some cool teenager from Planet X is gonna find this record in the ashes of what used to be St. Louis, and it’s going to blow his mind right out of his mutated skull. He’ll build a shrine to Lofreq out of bones and anti-aircraft missile shells, and he and the zombie boys will dance around the radiation glow until the rest of their arms and legs fall off. Personally, I’m hoping it doesn’t take that long before Lofreq get their due in this rotten, stinkin’ world, but at least they can sleep easier knowing they’ll be huge after the apocalypse. If you’ve read any of my nonsense in the past year or so, or if you had the questionable luck of running into me at the rock show or down on the avenue, then I reckon you’ve already gotten an earful of just how much I dig this hairy, scary gang of starbent and superfreaked drug rockers. And I don’t mean to stutter, or come off like some obsessive compulsive nut, but brothers and sisters, I implore you- drop everything and get yourself a copy of this record. Everything cats like you and I dig about rock and roll- sleaze, sweat, and swagger, mega-riffs and thunderboogie- are all here, blistered and bruised and lookin’ for action. “If This…” was produced by Gaza Stripper and ex-Supersucker Rick Simms, it looks like a Monster Magnet record, and it sounds like a knife fight in a whorehouse- I mean, what else could you want? I could start running down the tracklist, and mention that the blazing harmonica action on “With the Law” is the most awesome display of mouth organ since Caged Heat, or that the rubber-riff and cowbell combination on “Coldblooded” is the most macho sound this side of bare knuckled fists on sides of beef, or that “High Roller” is the greatest lead-footed driving song I’ve pretty much ever heard, but it’s not like we got all night. All you really need to know is that the singularly named Gary, Lofreq’s throatman, axe wielder, and all-around head honcho, is a genius of rock, plain and simple. I hope all his buddies over there in Misery are watching out for him, because if he steps on a landmine or something, we’re all fucked. He has somehow turned what might have been simple AC/DC-influenced hard rock at one point into an elastic fantastic otherworld of mirror-shaded Supercool where everything- even the really bad, dangerously reckless ideas that pop into my head everyday- work perfectly. Imagine that, a world where everybody wins, except for the pussies. You want in to that, don’t ya? Well, it’s easy. Just plug this fucker in, and get to winning, Jack.