Negative Reaction - The Orion Chronicles

(Game Two) www.gametwo.com

I can't help but to think of all the equally retarded, but infinitely more fascinating things I could do with my time during the 38 minutes it takes for Negative Reaction's "The Moon Song" to drag itself across the finish line. I could be out hunting Kimono Dragons with the king of Siam, snorting up lines of angry red ants with Ozzy, or stitching together the perfect bride in my basement. But instead, here I sit, enduring the greasy comic book fantasies of a terminally baked stoner-doom band banging out some endless, cryptic morse code from a broken transmitter on the other side of the universe. The Orion Chronicles is, in essence, the guts of Venom's long form, demonic call to arms "At War With Satan' unraveled like a fleshy slinky and set adrift in the inky blackness of deep space. Oh, it's heavy, Jack, as heavy as a belly full of spiced sausage and coffee liqueur, and as slow moving and dim witted as a walrus driving a semi. Which means that this is either a negligible time waster from Tummler's flabby cousins, or the greatest cosmic doom epic ever recorded. That depends entirely on how much marijuana you consume on a daily basis. As for me, I had to check out somewhere around the 20 minute mark of track one, when the frantic screaming kicked in, closely approximating the bleating of frightened farm animals who've just realized what their role in the food service industry actually is. Not a very sexy record. But at least they got the band name right.