The Bulemics/ Speedloader- In the Name of Satan/Cold Ethyl (Bulemics)
Born to Lose/ I’ll be Your Sister (Speedloader)
Arclight
4 song 7”, 33 RPM
Texan
bad asses (as if there’s any other kind of Texan) the Bulemics infuse so
much rabid punk into their rock and roll that they’re very nearly a
hardcore band, only they’re too obsessed with pussy to cross that Maginot
line into the slampit sausageclub. Good thing, too, ‘cuz we need them
right here. “Satan” is a mess of screaming and thrashing, and the machine
gunning riffs at the tail end of the song sounds like stormtroopers
busting through the front door. Is that rock and roll? Yeah, baby, it is.
Their cover of Alice Cooper’s necro-lust ditty is a complete motherfucker
too, the nastiest slice of cock rock you’ll ever hear out of a gang of
murderous punk rockers.
Speedloader are from NYC, but they might as well be from Baghdad or
somewhere like that, cuz they are obviously not happy unless they’re
killing something. This is deadly accurate berserker rock, and “Born to
Lose” sounds like The Misfits imploding under the weight of the Almighty’s
biker metal assault. Righteous. The Motorhead cover comes next, and it’s
just as aggressive. Goddamn. Speedloader. Rock and roll as a prison
beating.
By the way, I dig the 40 oz. swilling rocker chick on the cover so much, I
was gonna give this one a good review even if I didn’t get around to
actually listening to it. You think I’m kidding, but I’m not.
The Drones – Mean Streak/ The Cockeyed Lowlife (of the Highlands)
Sonico
2 song 7”, 45 RPM
I have ranted about these scorching dust devils before, and this double barreled
blast of Aussie evil is doin’ nothing at all to stop me from frothing up again.
Calling this “garage rock” is like calling a Hell’s Angel a motorcycle
enthusiast; sure, it’s true, but the Drones are so much bigger, meaner, tougher,
and more prone to fits of mindless violence than the average Farfisa fueled fuzz rock
combo that it’s pointless to even compare them to any of ‘em. The only band that
even snorts the same fumes as the Drones is their countrymen The Beasts of
Bourbon, back when they were still liquored-up, mama killing psychos. Anyway,
“Mean Streak”, as the title implies, is a sand-blasting roar of venom and
swagger, like evil cowboys riding razored saddles. B-side is a dizzy, homicidal
blackout of bad intention set to slithering dirt rock. It’s on their album, too.
Buy both. Just skip the Viagra and the Rohphynol and just buy everything Drones.
They’ll teach ya how to fuck right, believe me. Red Hot Lovers- Redline/ Hush Earthling
Redline
2 song 7” 45 RPM
This one’s not new, it was originally released in ’01, but it’s new to me, and
it’s boss, so I’m writing about it anyway. Listen, have you ever had a red hot
lover? Than you know what this sounds like. It’s no wonder that Boston punk n’
roll rippers Crash and Burn came back from their tour demanding I check these
fuckers out, because both bands strafe the same ragged terrain. Part metal, part
danger rock, part psychotic punk, and all scorching, RHL tear through drunk
driving anthem Redline like they’re still behind the wheel, and they strut and
swagger the hell outta the Turbonegro cover. Which is exactly what you’re
supposed to do with a Turbo cover. If the denim fits, wear it, right? Listen,
Canada is stacked tits-high with monstrous rock and roll bands- I know you don’t
think so, but it’s true. The Red Hot Lovers are one of the finest examples of
Canuck raunch and roll, and even if this one is long gone, don’t worry, there’s
more where it came from. So go get some. The Sleazies- Gonna Operate on Myself/ Airpockets in My Brain
Rapid Pulse
2 song 7”, 45 RPM
From
Providence, Rhode Island, a
low-rent Mecca for fishnetted and safetypinned sleaze punk bands comes,
fittingly enough, the Sleazies. These raucous Knox abusers play in Boston all
the time, usually sandwiched between similarly snarly punk n’ rollers like the
Marvels and the Spitz, which means I haven’t actually heard them until right
now, because who the fuck wants to get kicked in the head- accidentally or
otherwise- by some overamped 17 year old
(expect maybe for another overamped 17
year old)? My loss for bein’ a pussy, I guess, because the Sleazies deliver the
goods here, with two blazing snot rockets that are as close as you can get to
the Sex Pistols these days without being the kinda clown that’s willing to pay
30 bucks to see a bunch of middle-aged wankers rip you off. The A-side may or may not be an homage to Carl Reiner’s famous goof on a
hapless pharmacist, as read in the classic Re/Search book Pranks (if you don’t
know what I’m talking about, look it up; you’ll be popping stitches all over the
place), but regardless, it’s primo punk rock action with hooks, energy, and no
time for a goddamn guitar solo. The b-side is decidedly more rock and fuckin’
roll, and sounds like the Dead Boys and the Dolls all at once. Bonus points for
keepin’ it simple- both songs average around 2 minutes a pop, and the titles are
repeated over and over for at least 1:30 on both of ‘em. Imagine that, Sleazegrinder digs the Sleazies. With tasty razor rockers like these on deck, they made it too easy for me.