(EMI Norway) www.emi.no
'Welcome to Norway' is the greatest, and only, heavy metal travel guide of all time. There's a Norwegian version of this album as well, and I'm sure that it sounds like a lusty, iron fisted Viking epic in Black Debbath's mother tongue, and if they had held to the ruse, I'm sure you'd see glowing reviews in Terrrorizer of Metal Maniacs or wherever about their triumphant Nordic metal supremacy. But Black Debbath have chosen to use their evil for good, translating it for the rest of us, so that weary world travelling rockers can maneuver around Norway without looking like dumb ass tourists. As a straight rock record, it's a high octane flame job of utter manliness, monster groovy stoner sleaze rawk rife with squashed-up Fu Manchu riffs, Hammering Hammond Deep Purple keyboards, and the same sense of epic drama as some goofy Euro power metal concept record, and it blazes. As vital (and hilarious) tourist information, it's just as boss. I've learned pretty much all I need to know to strut around Oslo like I own the place thanks to this record. For example, there's the culinary delights that awaits us all in the frozen North.
"Would you care for some blood pudding, sir? Some whale penis? What about this intestine juice?" Umm, where's the Taco Bell? They also cover Norwegian nightlife- don't go to Club
Mongo, they only play phony rock and roll there- and offer plenty of helpful advice. Did you know that you can't smoke in Norway? You'll have to kindly step out of their country if you want to use tobacco. However, as Black Debbath tell us, "Sweden, Denmark, and Finland are considered to be very good ashtrays". Also, they mention that Norwegian women get pregnant very easily, but this may just be a ruse to keep filthy foreign hands off of their chicks. There's even a handy pocket translator disguised as Hendrix-fried sludge epic here, so if you find the need- and you will, I imagine- to ask "Is there a sober person here, who can answer some questions" in the native tongue, you can just spit out "Hello! Er det praeg prod
frese?" and hope BD haven't just tricked you into asking a bunch of drunk Vikings if any of them want their dicks sucked. Sure it's a silly premise, but isn't everything about heavy metal pretty
fuckin' silly, after all? Luckily, this record rocks so much that despite the tongue in cheek lyrics, it never devolves into novelty record. It just continues to scorch as much as it does amuse. Currently, WTN is only available as an import, so it would probably cost the same to just go to Norway yourself to get it, but it's worth every
Krone, or Euro, or whatever the fuck it is they call money over there.