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The Road Hog Dictionary (part
2) |
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You know Tony Slug, right? Amsterdamned's darkest son? Geetar man in the
Hydromatics, Nitwitz, and the Spades? Former Hitlist columnist? Widow
maker? Virgin killer? Yeah, you know 'im. Slug gets around, baby. Mostly
by van. L-O-N-G stretches of highway in weird countries in junky vans fulla
stanky dudes. It gets kinda crazy out there. Hence, this dictionary. I
suppose if it was in alphabetical order it would be more helpful, but
since when was rock n' roll supposed to be helpful? Use it or lose it,
rockers. -Sleaze _________________________________________________________________________ |
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CHUNTER - turd. "you my boy, can go
chomp on a steaming fresh CHUNTER !" IAN CHUNTER - Guitar player in MOTT THE POOPLE ERIC CRAPTON - Bad guitarist "That ERIC CRAPTON bastard from the opening band took 3 hours to sound check" LENNY CRAPSHITS - ditto NEST EGG - beer (for in the NEST) YOLK - beer OMELETTE - 6-pack of beer BOILED EGG - Warm YOLK DINOSAUR EGG - Huge 1 liter can of YOLK WIND EGG - Alcohol-free beer, purchased accidentally. EGG HUNT - Frantically searching the van for YOLK. EGG WHITE - foam, suds "dumb bitch tapped me nothing but EGG WHITE" |
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FROGGYSTAN - France, a fucked up country without YOLK. PRETZEL - One who sits in the back of the van in a very uncomfortable position (a.k.a a CONTORTIONIST, one who is in EMBRYO MODE) PRETZELED - prolonged period of being a PRETZEL "Arghhh, I´m PRETZELED like a motherfucker" POPCORN - The van hitting a speed bump causes the PRETZELS in the NEST to become airborne, thus POPCORN. "Driver, slow down, we´re POPCORN here !" LEVITATION - prolonged period of being POPCORNED THROTTLE THE DOLPHIN - Male masturbation "Don´t THROTTLE THE DOLPHIN in there, I still need to shower" WEREWOLF - typically Spanish Rocknroll guy with big sideburns. a.ka. El HOMBRE LOBO "Cool ! The WEREWOLVES are buying loads of merch !" The GAMBA - One who is red because of sunburn " the SLUG is all GAMBA´d OUT" EGG CONCENTRATE - vodka SPOILED EGG - Half drank NEST EGG that´s too warm for consumption WAFFLE - A PRETZEL´s behind. Severe case of ROADBUTT leaving imprinted marks. "Dude, my ass is so WAFFLED it´s not even funny anymore" WAFFLE-IRON - Flight case used as a chair or seat in the NEST HOOP WAX - (imaginary) pain-relieving ointment for WAFFLE " I sure as shit could use some HOOP WAX, dammit." The SABOTEUR - Elderly Spanish bartender who insists on giving us round after round of free booze, then juggles chorizo sausages, and serenades us with "My Way" in spanish and then goes apeshit at our show. The BOLLWEEVIL - French record collector with only one tooth The GONZO - Someone with no teeth at all (or someone with a big nose) GUMMER - Getting a hummer (blowjob) from a GONZO The MARSHMALLOW - Little fat kid (eating ice cream) FROGGER - Pedestrian who crosses street as our van pulls up (after the computer game FROGGER) "Shit ! I almost pancaked that FROGGER" TADPOLE - Juvenile FROGGER " this place is crawling with TADPOLES" BUTT FLOSS - G-string (underwear worn by girls) "Whoa ! Look at that booty. This town is BUTT FLOSS central" PANDORA´S BOX - bag with dirty socks "NOOO ! Don´t open PANDORA´S BOX here, man !" TORTURE CHAMBER - The NEST. "Oh my God, 10 more hours in the TORTURE CHAMBER..." To GADGE OUT - When our drummer INSPECTOR GADGET totally wigs out and goes berserk to go on a genocidal rampage beating people up and wanting to stab them. EXILE - Where you´re sent to GADGE OUT for the safety of others " Dude, you´re going in EXILE !" BOWL OF PUS - Spanish vanilla flavored desert known as "flan" STREET URCHIN - Spiky haired punk rocker who just hangs out and panhandles for money "fuck those anarchy Joe street urchins. They aren´t buying anything." BLOCK - Typically Spanish VERY SHORT and broad shouldered elderly lady. " She´s cute, but she´ll turn into a BLOCK in 20 years or so" NESTICLE - one who takes up too much room in the NEST CUCKOO - One who steals your place in the NEST " Fuck you, CUCKOO motherfucker" MINI BAT - fly (insect) MINI COW - cat MINI VAMPIRE - Mosquito MASTER OF PUFFAGE - The only one who has cigarettes (i.e. " is Holding") " Hey, who is the MASTER OF PUFFAGE ?" CLEVELAND STEAMER - To deposit a fresh CHUNTER on one´s chest. What we do to opening bands. PRUNES - Wrinkly fingertips caused by excessive perspiration " Dude, I´ve got some BRUTAL PRUNEAGE going on" MOTH MAN - Cop on motorcycle "That MOTH MAN can CHOMP MY CHUNTER" SLARVE MY DODE - Suck my dick TASTE MY SPIKE - Slarve my dode RIM SHOT - fart THE BLACK HOLE - Gigantic traffic jam from which there is no escape and where time stands still " Oh man, fuck this, we´re being sucked into the BLACK HOLE !" SLIZZED OUT - very dirty, sleazy, grimy " the BOWL here is SLIZZED OUT to the max, and there´s no toilet paper" DOUCHE BAGUETTE - French waitress bitch who refuses to sell us YOLK, and locks us up inside the restaurant. "That skankbucket of a DOUCHE BAGUETTE can tongue the underside of my DODE three times" LA BOLSA - bag with snortable drugs The SNORKEL - rolled up banknote used to snort speed or cocaine with. "I snorted all the coke she was trying to sell and took 50 Eurobucks worth of SNORKEL, hahaha ! " SHIT ROCKET - What happens to one who eats the SLUGSTER´s super spicy home cooking the MARCH HARE - Tour manager who is always afraid of being too late. After the character in ALICE IN WONDERLAND (a bunny with a clock). A.k.a. FLAVOR FLAV SHARK - one who doesn´t sleep for 4 days "he´s a total SHARK, sleeps on wednesdays" SPIDERMEN - Whenever we´re LOCKED into some apartment or lost the keys of the hotel room we have to scale the walls like SPIDERMEN to escape WASTE OF SKIN - ugly bitch. "Urgh ! She´s a WASTE OF SKIN" WET SUIT - dark skinned person who tries to rip us off and will be flayed alive to be used for a WET SUIT after their untimely demise |
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- Slug, still out there. Home |
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