-Hank von Helvete, Turbonegro
In the
year 2020 The Incredible Criswald might predict volcanoes
erupting of cigarette ash igniting cyanide hurricanes to lash wakening
rivers and sewage lines to overflow of our urine, piss and parasitic shit.
I, unlike others, am going to stick around for all of it. Whether it’s the
constant nuclear warfare over in Iraq or our ozone and
icebergs about to crack behind all of this, I’ll be one happy radioactive
cancerous nit using your blubbering shit as a floating device. The ever
shifting mother will turn with or without us. At least, up until the sun
engulfs it. Then it isn’t a spoof; cigarettes do decrease our youth. We’ll
be a bunch of astral carnies on a smoking shuttle smuggling our
prescription pills, plastic and destruction to another planet with habitat
on it. It doesn’t, however, matter when all scientists already know we are
of the subhuman species with inhuman features. We’ve got fuzzy
spiders with multiple eyeballs and tropical fish who can’t breath a
lick of air, and we’re worried about what else is out there? The War Of
The Worlds doesn’t exclude galaxies we have yet to explore when
they’ve already learned how to inhabit other warm and slimy places like
ours before we’ve even reached Mars. Evolution doesn’t stop here. A
fantasy world, such as The Never Ending Story may not be too far
fetched with rocks that talk and shed boulders of tears. While
televisions mock our future with fear, we’re lead not to believe The
Lost Wasteland isn’t near. Go ahead blind me, just as long as I can
still hear everyone’s shrill screams through the cysts in my ears. Once
our second-hand smoke reaches past the ozone, anyhow, we’ll have one
giant marsupial ready to jump-kick our non-biodegradable can
before armies of aliens appear. All the while we’re dicking around with
U.S. dollars for the diabetes cure, we’re also donating to keep our
government obscure. And all the while they believe that they’re on top of
this war, a higher force looks forward to The End of our
atmosphere. Whether only lava or larva will be the only thing spared, I
can imagine this has a lot to do with it being the first things here. Our
shit, in return, will be consumed by either, I‘m sure. ~The Apostle Strutter