A QUICKIE, WITH ANIMAL FROM THE ANTI-NOWHERE LEAGUE            By Sascha
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The ANWL represented a lot of all the good, stupid fun you could have with punk in the early and mid-'80's. Their Mad Max image, as well as their cartoonishly nihilistic lyrics had most of the high brow types dismissing them as a bad joke. This didn't phase the League a bit. This was a band that positively thrived on adversity. The oft banned, much ballyhooed "So What?", a poison pen ode to the self-satisfied Chatty Cathys of the world, has reached near-legend status, partially due to Metallica's fondness for it. They released a slew of other great numbers besides this one in the early days; "I Hate People", "Woman", "Ballad of JJ Decay", "Can't Stand Rock & Roll" and "Animal " are nice representations of the League at their bile flinging best. There was also their blinding cover of Ralph McTell's "Streets Of London". On the more restrained side you had "For You", "On The Waterfront", and the biker epic "Out On the Wasteland". There's more of course, but those are the ones that come to mind.

The on and offstage antics of the band are much the stuff of legend as well. There are numerous stories, perhaps the best being the one where bass player Winston sent Dave Vanian of The Damned running to the vomitorium. Submitted for your approval, shoving a cream cheese covered carrot up your ass and then chowing down on it. And on a tour with The Defects in '82 or so, the band apparently didn't change their clothes once. Is that class, or is that class?

For the punk historians out there, these human chancres were one of the first bands to play behind the Iron Curtain. The 1983 "Live In Yugoslavia" captures them in top form onstage in Zagreb. Interestingly, another one of my all time favorites, the Angelic Upstarts played Yugoslavia around this era and released their own live album as well. Since the Upstarts had already become serious lefties by this time, their touring of one of the more progressive Communist countries makes a certain amount of sense. Why was the League playing there, though? Perhaps the powers that be wanted to show the kids what was wrong with the Capitalist system. I've pondered this one for many an hour.

Of course, it wasn't to last. In 1987, ANWL released "The Perfect Crime", which was certainly criminally bad, but not perfect. It's as if the band suddenly decided overnight that they wanted to be Big Country or The Alarm. In fairness, there were a few okay tracks on it--fans of "Aural Sculpture" era Stranglers might find some tunes they like within. But for the most part, the album stinks.

Since then they've gotten back on track and put out some okay material such as "Scum" and "Pig Iron", but, let's face it, the early stuff is best. Not that they give a tin shit about anyone's opinion, mind you. If you want the full history, check out the official site and stop nagging me. I've managed to catch them in action once, when they played at Avalon on the "Gagging For It" tour back in '95. Truly a band to smell, as well as listen to. Recently, I went to their site and decided an interview for Sleazegrinder would be just the ticket. I mean, Sleazegrinder himself looks he should be an ANWL roadie, and if memory serves me correctly, this band was one of the first groups he and I bonded on. (What, do you think we were going to drink Carling Black Label to The Cure, for fuck's sake?). Lead snarler Animal is a busy chap these days, or so he claims. Personally, I think he really spends all his time tinkering with one of his half-dozen bikes and jerking off to old reviews and pics of UK youth TV pundit Janet Street-Porter . But I guess we have to take him at his word. I've included our first two pieces of correspondence, because A) this minuscule interview needed padding out and B) they add a certain flavor to the piece, much like those little corn bits do to the shit you just took.

Nov.17^th

Me:
Hello Animal; I just checked out your site for the 357^th time. It's conveniently linked to my review of "Long Live The League", which was on my all time top five for '86, which is when I started getting into you guys. It's on the "Sleazegrinder" website. You are one of the only bands I can still listen to. I also have an ANWL tattoo that takes up half a foot of my upper back. I showed it to you when you played Boston back in '95. Enough ass kissing? Listen ya Bastard, how much time and energy would it take to answer a dozen questions via email? Goddamnit, the world needs you now more than ever. If you don't comply, I'll fucking come over to Tunbridge Wells and shit on your lawn. I work as a school teacher in my hometown and if you don't do the fucking interview, I'll tell every schoolgirl that I meet--on average of sixty a day--that they should never, EVER, spread their thighs for a guy named "Animal" from the Anti-Nowhere League. I'll tell all my friends that you secretly ride a Vespa. I'll be very, very angry and if go crazy and shoot all my students, it will be all your fault. Seriously though, I do love the band and would be extremely grateful for a chance to interrogate you".

Nov.20^th

Animal:
"Ride a Vespa…you been spying on me? Ya gotta understand that I get about a handful of interviews each week, and there ain't enough time to answer them, what with emails, song writing, book writing [this guy is writing a book? -Sascha], touring, tour organizing, mail orders and nose picking…let alone going out to work on a building site each day…are you in tears yet??? So, if you make it a short interview, I might have a chance to do it, "For You". Okay, later. ANIMAL

Eventually, I pared down my ideas to ask Animal the most intellectually stimulating, artistic and soul-searching questions I could think of. And here they are….

My favorite one is "Baby", I saw it at an all night biker movie house when I was a slip of a lad at 18, still remember it real clear though. Another one that you may be able to help me with was two brothers who stole a load of cash out from "Vegas" and escape on motorcycles…don't remember the name of that one, maybe you can? [I don't know what the fuck he's talking about-Sascha]

[That was] a period in time that was totally fucked with drugs and alcohol, don't let anyone tell you that drugs don't harm you…just listen to that album and you will know they do! And no, that cunt looks like me, which unfortunate for me but probably gives him a hard on.

Oh, so many to choose from, I can't possibly pick one, I think most people I have ever met deserve a damned good kicking, but I would start with George Michael for impersonating a star!!!

You shock me, do you really think I would stoop so low?

What is the Animal philosophy of life?

Doesn't matter what you do…just don't get caught!!
- Animal

Long Live the League!
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